General Hospital: NFL Edition

The tale of an overweight/Sailor-mouthed coach, a Quarterback knocking on AARP’s door, and most overrated Quarterback

By Contributing Writer, Justin Dombrowski

No folks, your eyes are not re-directing you from the purpose from this upcoming article. I must say that this week has been by far, the most RIDICULOUS week EVER in a recent football season. It’s STAGGERING! WHAT THE HELL IS OUR WORLD COMING TO THESE DAYS?! For some of you who think that I need a “reality check” let me go over why I’m a little “off” by today’s standards. For me there are currently 3….THREE FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CANNOT COUNT, things that are irking me with this season.

Rex Ryan

First off, what kind of a name is Rex Ryan? I’ll tell you what kind of a name that is. It sounds like a dinosaur that ate an entire buffet of pork, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and of course we’ll throw in some pizza and chips and all kinds of other crap. What do you have? REX RYAN! I’m not a professional coach, but, um….this guy is annoying. Not only is he annoying, but he talks…A LOT of crap. I’m not talking about the big bully who threatened to take your lunch money every monday. I’m talking about the kid who, during dodge ball, said that he could whoop everyone in the room annnnnd he got the crap kicked out of him for it. So should the Jets saunter down the gutter this season, you can say you first read it here on Halftime Huddle (Exciting, isn’t it?)
This guy is the gutter mouth of the NFL. Of course the show “Hard Knocks” is on HBO and not regular television, is the swearing issue necessary, Rex? I mean sure the guy’s got cankle’s the size of my head but his stomach is just way out there. Much like his ego. The thing that irked me wasn’t JUST Rex running his mouth like an overweight minion feasting at the Thanksgiving table. It was more than that. Just last week, former Indianapolis Colts coach, Tony Dungy, criticized Ryan’s colorful use of language on the show itself. So what did Rex do in return? He ran his mouth. I thought maybe someone would’ve thrown him a chewy toy to shut him up, but nope. So he kept going on. And on. AND ON! IT NEVER FRIGGEN ENDED! IT REMINDED ME OF THE TIMES IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN THAT ANNOYING KID WOULD SIT AT THE END CHOMPING HIS FOOD OUT LOUD. GOD DAMNIT! Anyways, Dungy went on to explain why he didn’t like Ryan’s use of “words” on the show and just why he didn’t approve.

Now Dungy was an amazing coach, and by all that I’ve heard about him, he’s a terrific guy. You’ve gotta have respect for everything Dungy has accomplished, let alone what he’s been through with his personal life. Now for someone like that, I would take his words into account, and RESPECT THE INDIVIDUAL.

NOT REX! What did Rex do then? He went on a conference saying how he wanted to “reach out” to Dungy to solve their problems. He seemed like that annoying kid on the playground who just pissed you off and when you hit him he would saunter over to the hot Kindergarten teacher and ball his eyes out for self pity. You know what REALLY happened? Hmm? REX SCREWED UP! Not ONLY did he realize that a much BETTER coach had called him out on the ways of life…BUT SO DID HIS MOTHER!! This was the first segment of the recent version of “General Hospital: NFL season” for me. It was hilarious on a level I can’t even begin to tell you. “Oh Rex you better watch your mouth! Mother will be furious ooooooh!”

You know when his Mother sees him, there will be no soup for Rex.

Oh, and another thing. Both coaches had a recent meeting where everything was supposedly “settled”. You want to know how I think it went? I think it ended with Dungy sticking to his guns and hard knock sense of reality and putting Rex on the spot. Now I don’t know this man personally. I’m not bashing him for that. I’m bashing him because he’s an inconsiderate loud mouth who is creating a bad image for the NFL. Now of course there are some examples you have to set and we can’t always appeal to others, but the sport is becoming more and more main stream. More and more children and younger adults are gaining access to everything football.

Do us all a favor, Rex. Tone down the language a bit and just eat a hoagie and enjoy life. Because your ego is becoming bigger than the body it comes from, and you might want to have a few more years where you can stand without falling over.

Brett Favre

This one sent me over the top. Ever since the ending of last season, almost EVERY SINGLE GOD FORSAKEN DAY, someone….SOMEONE..has asked one question over, and over. “When is Brett coming back?” When will it end? Oops, finally he did come back, but it took three of his teammates to convince him to come back. But before last week. The questions continued…ON and ON. It was NEVERENDING! “When’s he comin’ back?” “Do you think he feels excited to play football?” “Do you think Brett will regret it if he doesn’t come back?” “Do you think Brett is eating dinner with his family and discussing his future?” Guess what?

NO ONE CARES! Noone DID care either.

Sure I’ll admit he’s a great Quarterback, in my eyes, but there comes a time ladies and gentlemen. There comes a time, where uh you only ask and you sit back in anticipation…YOU DON’T KEEP ASKING! If you were smaller and you kept asking, your grandmother would’ve knocked you back a couple of centuries where they played football with loose clothing and no helmets! I can only imagine that the situation where the three teammates “convinced” a Quarterback to come back went down. And wouldn’t you agree with me that it’s sad that you have to send three guys to convince the leader? It seems to me that the Vikings Administration was growing tired of “Favre’s waiting”.

And then last night he played for the first time since that horrible…HORRIBLE loss to New Orleans last December. He came in to throw a pass for 13 yards, and completed it. Annnnnnd that was it. Are you kidding me?

Um, no.

The team brought him out like a little bear cub, let him EAT someone, and then took him back to his cage for a little nighttime snack followed by a nap. The bottom line with Favre, folks? He’s done great things for football and the guy’s got talent for doing this especially at the age of 41. Where most guys are battling arthritis and pains of all forms, he still takes to the field. Now that in itself, demands some respect. But for all the “hoopla” surrounding his return, it was enough to drive me insane. For the time being I thought I was living in Michael Jackson’s house.

Only kidding.

Just because you’re a Manning, doesn’t mean you’re the greatest.

Yep. I said it. Want to discuss it? Feel free to comment on this article itself between me and other fans who agree/disagree. But I have my reasons for why I’ve said it. He’s a good Quarterback, BUT, not THE GREATEST!

PLAIN and SIMPLE! Let’s look at the “best” Quarterbacks of the past ten years when it comes to being the best in the NFL, and the Super Bowl:

Tom Brady. Ben Roethlisberger. Peyton Manning. These three men are probably best associated with the past ten years when it comes to wins, records, blah, blah, blah. But here’s another thing. Brady tops the list with 3 Super Bowl wins, and 2 SB MVPS. Roethlisberger with 2 Super Bowl wins and the best first 5 years for any QB in Football history) Annnnd Peyton Manning. With just one Super Bowl win. (I’m talking about Super Bowl wins right now so don’t have a heart attack)

NOW, there you have it. The BEST team for any season, makes it to…THE SUPER BOWL! If you don’t know this then go play in traffic! SERIOUSLY. We all know that as Football fans. The BIG SB is the goal for the season. If you make it, bragging rights and happiness are coming in due time. BUT if you don’t win…YOU SUCK! BUT. THIS IS WHERE I GET ANGRY. Look at the playoff records for these leaders.

Brady (14-3) Roethlisberger (8-2) Manning (9-9). Now of all three of these men, Manning clearly outshines record wise. His completion rate is better than the other two, BUT, there’s one thing that separates these men. MANNING HAS ONLY WON ONE SUPER BOWL!

ONE!

NOT TWO, OR THREE! ONE!

Get the picture? Because my temperature is up. UP. He’s only won ONE, yet he’s on EVERYTHING. Another team wins the Super Bowl? DON’T WORRY! A NEW COMMERCIAL WITH PEYTON MANNING WILL BE ON SOON! I don’t get it. Maybe its “in a name” that’s important nowadays. And if that’s the case with the recognition that these players receive, then it’s a damn shame. And that’s the truth. If you had to pick between those three Quarterbacks, and let’s say that the names are unknown because I know some people who if they saw Manning would explode in happiness and pick the “select” key. I’m ranging my bets on the Quarterback with the better winning statistics to get ME to the SUPER BOWL. Not someone who wins the best MVP player FOR THE SEASON. BECAUSE…because JUST if a person wins the MVP award for the year, and they don’t make it to the big time. You know what? They aren’t the Super Bowl champs.

Of course EVERYONE works as a TEAM. There is no I in team. That much is true. So if you learned that in elementary school, then they fed you your crackers and milk correctly. So when it comes, to not only team achievements, you HAVE to…HAVE TO look at individual statistics. BUT being a Quarterback has it’s 50/50 chances. You lead the team, but in order to achieve success, you and your receivers..and your offensive line ALL have to work together. But let’s widen the list.

Bradshaw (4 Super Bowl Wins) Montana (4 Super Bowl Wins) Troy Aikman (3) Tom Brady (3) John Elway (3) Ben Roethlisberger (2) Bob Griese (2) Jim Plunkett (2) Roger Staubach (2) Bart Starr (2)

Those, my friends are the TOP 10 Quarterbacks for the Super Bowl. With the most wins of course accredited next to the appropriate name. Now after 45 Super Bowls. (Again this is the game that lists the WINNING team of the season) these individuals are the ONLY ones to rack up MORE than ONE. So out of 90 on the list, these are the top ten. Where is Peyton Manning? With only ONE win, with the rest of the 79 Quarterbacks who have played in a Super Bowl game. Those men who are listed above are, and can be considered the greatest in the game as far as winning titles and Super Bowl championships…reigning to be the BEST of the season. (Records are another story where I feel Manning is better) but in this instance, Manning is truly not up to par with some of the “legends” of the season.

It’s all about the Super Bowl, baby. And I like a quarterback who has two rings, not one. But that’s not my only gripe. To be honest, it gets tiring after you hear about a sports athelete who is made up to be such an outstanding player, annnnd you look at those stats above? Something’s telling me still that it’s “what’s in a name” that gets you famous these days.

Sorry Indy fans, if the truth hurts go grab some tissue. I’ve already got the popcorn.

The opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.